satisfaction's Journal

8:45pm: hide

what fucked version of hello kittie are you?
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8:33pm: oh how pretty
Icicle, icicle where are you going, where are you going?
Icicle, icicle where are you going,
I have a hiding place when Spring marches in.
Will you keep watch for me, I here them calling.
Gonna lay down, gonna lay down.

Greeting the monster in our Easter dresses.
Father says bow your head like the Good Book says.
Well I think the good book is missing some pages.
Gonna lay down, gonna lay down.


And when my hand touches myself, I can finally rest my head.
And when they say, "Take of his body," I think I'll take from mine instead.


Getting off, getting off while they're all downstairs,
Singing prayers, sing away, he's in my pumpkin PJ's.
Lay your book on my chest, feel the word, feel the word,
Feel the word, feel the word, feel the word, feel it.
I could have, I should have, I could have flown you know.
Well, I could have, I should have, I didn't, so...


Icicle, icicle where are you going,
I have a hiding place when Spring marches in.
Will you keep watch for me, I here them calling.
Gonna lay down, gonna lay down, lay down, I'm gonna lay… down.

8:25pm: this time you weren't so rad.
+wam bam+

in my psychologists office.

+zing bam+

somehow last weeks drama came up...*i was dreading that moment.

+crash bam+

i was crying

+the world came falling down+

she brought my dad in.

+stars sparkling from above+

i'm looking out of my window wishing i was back to that place i dream of so often.
In a time I was happy...the people around me were happy. I was content.
A time when I was young. Small...ignorant to the horrible things I do to myself these days.
A time when destined to turn out like my mother wasn't such a bad thing.

you're just like your mother

those words scratch metal when they come out of your mouth.

funny thing is i'm already half way there.
check on the smoking
check on the ****** ********
check on the depression

hmm...all i need now is
check on not going to college
check on working at a bar

thank my arm that she's out of my life for now. but ofcourse we are fated to meet again...

.......what's your poison these days.

6:30pm: take this magical wand, damnit.
I had the most discumbobulated friday night.
Red wine & a shot of black velvet will do that to a person. I mean...just look at the entry I made on that night. Yeah.
I frantically was looking for something to do when all along I just wound up in square one alone. After discovering that once again Rachel and I weren't going to hang out, I attempted to go back to my bad self with my ex. About an hour down the road of my friday night I came upon the conclusion that I don't want to hang out with idiots. So I left...After passing out by my dad's mini-van, I wondered inside and made myself over to the playstation which was oh-so-fun, I trambled over to the living room couch and passed out....watching powerpuff girls...which I am NOW...currently watching.
wow...what a....shitty night eh?
"an den" saturday wasn't all that better. I woke up with the usuall hangover on top of the cold I already had.
By the night I was ready to get going and preped myself up again to hang out with my ex...bad decision. Once again I found myself loathing idiots...but AH...there is a sweet treasure of ganga in store for me. So I sucked it in and smoked. But oh no..things got worse. Sitting on the couch...trying to smoke after giving everyone else their own because their too cool to buy their own...I heard a tiny voice hitting on me asking for head...I turned my head and *BAM* there was Victor. First of all, how did he "know" I give head. I told him one simple detail of me and all of a sudden he know's my whole sexual novel...what the shit is that? So I found myself leaving...again. When will they learn....when?
Some prince on a white fucking horse better hurry up and sweep me off my feet, or I swear to my arm that I'll give up on men...or just kill myself drowning in my own pity.

6:30pm: take this magical wand, damnit.
I had the most discumbobulated friday night.
Red wine & a shot of black velvet will do that to a person. I mean...just look at the entry I made on that night. Yeah.
I frantically was looking for something to do when all along I just wound up in square one alone. After discovering that once again Rachel and I weren't going to hang out, I attempted to go back to my bad self with my ex. About an hour down the road of my friday night I came upon the conclusion that I don't want to hang out with idiots. So I left...After passing out by my dad's mini-van, I wondered inside and made myself over to the playstation which was oh-so-fun, I trambled over to the living room couch and passed out....watching powerpuff girls...which I am NOW...currently watching.
wow...what a....shitty night eh?
"an den" saturday wasn't all that better. I woke up with the usuall hangover on top of the cold I already had.
By the night I was ready to get going and preped myself up again to hang out with my ex...bad decision. Once again I found myself loathing idiots...but AH...there is a sweet treasure of ganga in store for me. So I sucked it in and smoked. But oh no..things got worse. Sitting on the couch...trying to smoke after giving everyone else their own because their too cool to buy their own...I heard a tiny voice hitting on me asking for head...I turned my head and *BAM* there was Victor. First of all, how did he "know" I give head. I told him one simple detail of me and all of a sudden he know's my whole sexual novel...what the shit is that? So I found myself leaving...again. When will they learn....when?
Some prince on a white fucking horse better hurry up and sweep me off my feet, or I swear to my arm that I'll give up on men...or just kill myself drowning in my own pity.

7:57pm: .....once upon a nerd slut....

What's your sexual appeal?
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wow i look hot.

7:22pm: down shifting a lower gear
i don't know what i should do. i don't know if i'm doing something i shouldn't or if i should just keep on doing it.

is this so wrong i should stop.

is this so right i should take this to my advantage.


someone help answer my cries for help.

i don't get that bad feeling around you.

at the same time i'm not too excited that i start to shake...and get butterflies.

is that a sign to stop...or just keep going.
i know that you would be good for me...

but would i be bad for you.
the end.

4:43pm: Dear...could you take the muffins out of the oven please?
I found myself once again...
writing strangely distorted poems. I look back....they make a little bit of sense. But it just shows me how far I can really take alliteration, personification, and so on.
*That's what happens when you open your mind.*
I'll try not to do that again. But I can't help it. I've found what I like.

!My hand is so scratched up I feel like I just stuck it in alcohol, it stings so badly!

These pills...


...are they helping me?

who even cares anymore. I feel as if there is a croud behind me all the way screaming, kicking, and yelling for me to just give up.
But I retaliate and kick them in the face.

I don't care who gives a shit for me. Hell...I've been on my own...I can survive on my own now. with or without a loving family. For all of you people that yaunt about not having a good enough family well fuck you....just stick with what you have because NOTHING else is going to come your way...
...My cous called me today...=)
always makes me in a better mood. I'm gonna try to go up to see everyone in maine soon. Horah. If I don't get to go I swear...on my ARM...that I will hurt a fly...OH I will...don't doubt yall.

I have to be more focused. I don't want to.
I'd rather be a lazy bum sitting on my ass eating cheese-its all day.
Woe is me.
...I actually have to get my ass in gear.
Too bad so sad.

Tomorrow I can't wait to get to appeal my absenses...SO FUN!..
"Lauren why are you out of school so much?"

"Oh I dunno...maybe because of the fact I'm mentally insane and my psychologist has to make sure I don't kill myself weekly."*smiles*

::poof::
...i disapeared.

8:44pm: "Punk in drublic."
that phrase was said WAY too much tonight...

*summersaults...over the electric phone line thingy that sticks out of the ground was too fun.
*opening people's mailboxes also too fun.

*I took someones empty box they had infront of their house and carried it on my head...dropkicked it and then ran, jumped, and sat on the box as it slowly deflated.

*We walked to the store and got this new fruitopia that was really freakin' good. And then dicovered that it was fun laying on the sidewalk...and then decided to walk home.

There were thoughts racing through my head tonight, but I'm so glad I didn't do anything about them because it wouldn't have been good for either of us. I'm glad we're friends and I wouldn't want to ruin that at all. So overall I'm happy, and If I did act on my instincts, then I would have been upset. I'm happy the way things were tonight.

9:53pm: SAFE all up in this muv.
safe

"I lust for SAFE...I want their radical rods inside of my crooked crevices"
-Lauren McNorton(me)

"Its a grassroots student activism organization that kicks ass"
-The Prep Cook

2:43pm: Situations that I loath being in.
I hate those types of situations that are the worst to be in when I'm high. I was with my ex, and these two girls that were just the kind of people that I just don't like to be around (2 blonde chicks who were so damn ditzy) well they were funny but It really was like taking the high out of my high. So I decided to walk my ass home after smoking a blunt.

*Lately all I've wanted is to get high.
*Lately all I've wanted is for someone to love me.
*Lately all I've wanted is someone to have passion for.
*Lately all I've wanted is you.

^*^Passion of the moment^*^
____Lemon Tea____
(if I could marry lemon tea I would.)

Yesterday was not a good day and as I just wrote...it ended shitty...>kind of.
I was so tired that I just went home and only watched the first hour of adult swim on cartoon network. I always do that when I don't want to. Maybe I just shouldn't smoke on sunday nights...but then I think "oh no school is tomorrow!" and I just have to.

True Love Of The Day
Veterans Day...A.K.A-no school

10:29pm: ^zing boom^
If you ever get close to a human
And human behaviour
Be ready to get confused

There's definitely no logic
To human behaviour
But yet so irristible

There's no map
To human behaviour

They're terribly moody
Then all of a sudden turn happy
But, oh, to get involved in the exchange
Of human emotions is ever so satisfying

There's no map
And a compass
Wouldn't help at all

Human behaviour

+bjork+

10:22pm: oh so sexy

What sexy girl are you
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9:40pm: ".....she's a superfreak....superfreak"
*Drink of the moment*
L3m0n teA with a whole lotta sugah



mm..mm..good.

there is this font on premier that i was using the other day and it was pissing me off because everytime i typed shift and another key, it would come out as the word "utopia" encircled in an oval...from that moment my mind was blown away...far far away. I was lost.

In the morning today I learned that I am "foolish minded" by some poseur. He claimed that the dream I had that consisted of my teeth falling out was the result of my ability not to be wise.
horrah for me

<><><><><><><><><><><><>
.....*i*love*this*......
.....*i*love*pink*......
.....*i*love*lmon*......
<><><><><><><><><><><><>

(( * * ))
(( ( ) ))
^^
||
**
True Love Of The Day
~~Mary Jane~~
***********************

+^+SNOOGINS+^+

7:52pm: figured

Take the test, by Emily.

5:20pm: Pepto......is my friend
The Pink Drink!
I.....
Feel.....
Like.....
Shit....

12:24am: Child Is Found
Two Yellow and White Candy Corns

The precipitation hanging on my window has cleared away. The fog in my skys are gone today. The cloudy moments have cleared away. I'm happy for know this is true. My mind has cheered and wiped away the blue.

I feel so beautiful. I'm so content. This memory is so sweet...I will forever hold this against myself in the times that I remember things aren't going so well. Just have to remember that tomorrow is never a given answer but a past utopia of the future. Remember, remember...remember

***********************************
*I'm going to keep this secret*
***********************************

<^><^><^><^>EIGHT LIVES LIVED<^><^><^><^>

..........one more left..........

Rachel:::: I'm not positive that It'll be monday but don't fear it will be sometime next week..just get back to me on it some time this weekend. I'll probably call you anyway.


True Loves of The Day::
Mikes hard lemonade and milds

5:49pm: School Spirit
I'm gonna wake up, yes and no
I'm gonna kiss some part of
I'm gonna keep this secret
I'm gonna close my body now


I'm gonna break the cycle
I'm gonna shake up the system
I'm gonna destroy my ego
I'm gonna close my body now


I think I'll find another way
There's so much more to know
I guess I'll die another day
It's not my time to go


For every sin, I'll have to pay
I've come to work, I've come to play
I think I'll find another way
It's not my time to go


I'm gonna avoid the cliche
I'm gonna suspend my senses
I'm gonna delay my pleasure
I'm gonna close my body now


I think I'll find another way
There's so much more to know
I guess I'll die another day
It's not my time to go

True Love of the day:::
Hot Fries in my eyes

9:05pm: I mugged rachel!
..yeah I got mod on that test but I felt too fad-ish puting it on my journal so I refrained :\

I*SeE*StArS*In*YoUr*EyEs
but my night has a cloudy sky

Eh..why do I all of a sudden have to get my ass in gear for work that you never made me do before...(...MAKE YOUR MIND UP)

Question of the day:
Bush?....or McBride?<----I don't care...you both suck
*either way Florida is going to suck...slowly make it's way down the toilet...oh wait! already there...damn wait...still don't care

~Tomorrow will NOT suck~
^maybe if i repeat it enough, my words will force fate into action...
*oh i wish that was true*

True love of the day:::
Rachel V :)

6:36pm: Sometimes I feel.
...sometimes I don't...
it's that simple. If you can't understand that, then don't hurt yourself trying to. I do things, that even I don't understand...so why do you sit there trying to figure me out?
What I did or what I said was nothing against you...unless ofcourse I meant it. And in that case..you will know.

1:34am: I want to be a cop..
yeah I know what you're thinking...."lauren....cop....wait....."
but seriously I love it.
I rode along tonight and even though we didn't get much I really had a great time. And it just made me think of how much I would want to do something like that. The job doesn't ever really get boring...I mean yeah there would be those days when you wouldn't get shit but then there are those other days...and I need something like that to keep me going. Plus being a cop would give me a self esteem boost..seriously...I dunno what it is, but something is telling me this is what I want. Out of all my other aspirations in this world..this is the one that sticks out the most.
Yay for me
It's hard to believe that with the life I've lived that I would want to do this.
=)

11:58am: .....are you wasting away in your skin.........
drifting and floating and fading away.
**************************************
I don't want my life to pass me by each day. Do I think to much of this to even do anything about it. Alot of people waste away their life in a rush.or are they living their life the way they want to.
Why do I even care what other people do and why. Why do I really sit back and compare myself to see if what I do is socially acceptable.THAT is a waste of MY time.
+wow+
*************************************
"Sliping far away....hold on to the day"

I'm so glad I have friends that I've grown to love so much. I don't know what I'd do without them. There's some things that no one else could understand and they would. I'm so glad that I've found friends that I don't ever really contradict, that I can be who I want to be, I can tell them anything, They would do anything for me and I would for them. =)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
For anyone else...all you have to do is "Watch your mouth, hold your tongue, some things are better done than said...."
.....seriously, if you don't have the intent of being my friend then don't talk to me or about me. I'm sick of all you stupid fucks out there that think you know who you're talking about. You don't know me and I wouldn't give you the time of day if you were the last people on earth.
******************************************
All I have to say to end this is...

I know who my friends are~
I know who is not~
I know who to give a fuck about~
..and who not too.~

Black Flowers Blossom

6:50pm: i'm such a moron!
i just realized that i bitched at a lot of people for something that i forgot i did myself. hah!...go lauren. another one for the book!
hmm...today basically consisted of me sliding across the floor to greet dillan....chatting with bell?(yeah i know..weird)...getting yelled at from a dean for being into the posse...bringing a camera home for apparently no reason...aaron you fuck! you were supposed to call damnit!...jordan drove me home...and...oh yeah....a hell of a shitload of homework..
someone come save me and take me out for a night of glory!

9:12pm: NO FUCKING WAY!
haha bitch you're a funny motha</b>
i would never be your fuck budy
think again you dirty scum of the earth. You didn't cheat oh me?bullshit...you and I both know that. I admitted to you and the least you can do is admitt to me. I deserve...that much
Don't you understand what I'm trying to say. There are alot of other guys in the world that you. Alot of other better guys as well.
I know where I am but where the fuck are you?

5:12pm: so THAT'S what it is...

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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